No matter how hard you try, it’s just doesn’t work.

I remember keeping a dog back then in 1991. She has a cute face with soft fur, she’s just totally lovable, always running around my feet. Kissing me, okay no, that one maybe too exaggerated, licking me, this one maybe too, but hey its a dog we are talking about. How could I not fall in love with her. Don’t even bother to ask me what type of dog is she! I don’t know dogs, I just know her.

The thing is … that doesn’t work out for me very well, she died, killed in a car accident by a lousy driver. Then few years passed, I build an aquarium for fish, and all died in a week. Am I a lousy person that can’t even take care of pets? Since then, I never love animal, even make a “threat” to my girlfriend that I don’t want any animal inside the house when we get married.

Before I continue, its not about pets. It’s about “just doesn’t work”. I remember my first love! She’s … just thinking of her now, I feel terrible. She said, “God will give you someone better than me!” I was like “WTF!” but i keep my mouth shut. Am i not angry? I am angrier as hell. Did you not love me, i said? She replied, “I care about you, I love you, I even telling my friends how happy I am to have you … but, …” She continues, “I love God more than you, and last night God told me “how dare you having a date with him?”.

I was frozen!!! WTF!! Gezz, am i fucking dreaming?? Then what everybody think at this situation, I was thinking that also … she has someone else. I didn’t sign up for betrayal!!!

She’s not. She’s not having someone else, no matter how much I dont’t want to believe that. In my heart, she’s still the kindest person that i ever have a relationship with. A year passed, and I’m done with her, can’t do anything about it. BUT … I’m not done with God!

My life goes ashtray, nobody knows and won’t knows the secrets I hide deep in my heart. Because if someone know, that’s mean I’m dead already, or I love her so much that I would die for her.

Name any misbehave you have, I have done it mostly. Back way into childhood, I prank people and burn my neighbor’s kitchen. Its a small kitchen made of bamboo outside of her house, don’t worry no victim, I’m just a kid with high curiosity “what if i burn this kitchen ,what will happen” then i ran.

I have just came back few days ago from a business trip. It didn’t work out for me very well. I have done things precisely as planned but things go south.  {click to tweet} It’s happen in a blink of eye, and there gone my fortune. I am working on projects, but seems it won’t work out also. It’s just difficult to do things today, to make people believe that you are good at what you do, and you can do it on a deadline.

Well now, I think I’m back to zero. I’m so worried, even having insomnia, that I will end up exactly in a place that I don’t really want to be. Clocks are ticking, my body will become weak, can’t go on 3 day’s without sleep anymore. I don’t enjoy any physical activities. Even if I want to become healthy, these worries still haunted me everyday. People works so hard getting sick, I’m not.

In the end, someone could wondering, if they are getting cursed or what. Have you ever been in bad lucks and thinking that you might never succeed in life? Check what this man going to say!


I would appreciate your opinion about this matter, so that we can learn from each other better to live this life abundantly!

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