How Can a Man Be a God?

A person with objective. I want to be one, but it’s only in my head. The fact is I want my life flows as it is. I do what I like, I love what I do. I don’t want to carry any life burden. I don’t like to think what I should have become if I have persistence … no … a single objective in my life and perseverance to do that.

I would describe my self with something like No Plan, No Suffering, No Trouble, Nothing in the way between me and what I love to do. I will very angry if someone gets in the way between me and my daily life.

At some point I even think, if I got an accident, I would still prefer to go home to do my routine than going to a hospital. Well, after all, I did have a persistence to do things, unuseful one.

I was attracted to all motivational speakers like Tony Robbin, but in fact I am still suspicious to them even after seeing how successful they are. Anybody can be successful if they focus on one thing. I think all of us have the capability to do that, we are a superior creature.

Well, after all, we are one of a creation. A creation always limited by their nature. This is why I always can’t understand Buddhism, How can a man be a God? How can a man called Siddhartha Gautama able to pull out an enlightenment out of nothing? Suffering doesn’t make people’s character changes drastically. The understanding of it, makes people changes their way of life. I guess, that’s Buddhism!

Everybody said, you are the God of your own life! You are the one who decide your future! Only you and no one else! For me, that’s a way to enslave people’s thoughts from seeing the truth. Every day you go to work, you are not a free man. You are controlled by law, culture, social obedience. Definitely, you are not a God of yourself, if you don’t have an absolute free will to decide everything on your own.

I don’t know how many people understand this, but it’s just an absolute absurd way of life.



My Thank You Page!

Today is a thank you page of my life. If I’m not experience everything that I experience, I’m not gonna be here as who I am today. I am grateful for all the bad experiences, good experiences, thrilling, scary, and awesome ones.

thank you

Thanks for all the people in my life, who stays by my side when I’m totally on wrong side of a life, and also for people who stay away from me, when I’m in total mess, you will never know what you missed and we will not remember each other, just understand that we will never have the same respect as we should have, if you just accept my simple Hi to you few years back.

Thank you for my parents back there not knowing how life has turn up for their son, but they still believe their son. They hold their mouth from talking bad things and only call for a small question “Are you healthy?” And whenever I say bad things, they listen and throw back at me fascinating supports. “Mom, I don’t go to church anymore?” Mom : “Alright!, Just keep being healthy!”

I’m the one who introduce God to her, I’m the who denied my faith, and she accept it all. No one has great love for lousy sons and daughter like us than our parents.

In the end, I’m just gonna quote Matthew McConaughey, whatever we look up to, whatever we look forward to, and whoever we chasing, to that I’ll say “Alright! Alright! Alright!”

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I love nights. I love the silence it brings. I wish I never see a daylight, because it’s when all the crazy thoughts, the stress, the urge, the rush of the day started. Being pushed from all over directions to make you stay in your path like a cow.

Nights, on the other side, is quiet. It’s a redemption on things going on in the daylight. You keep thinking “Did what I do is right?” “Did what I do is not an incoming disaster?”. What you have done is done, you can’t change the records, but you don’t have to be pushed to walk in a specific path now. Now, you choose where are you going to go from here.

My father said, “Even if you follow the rules while driving, the others might not”. This world is consist of stupid people who thinks they’re not, even bad people pretend to be good just to get what they want.

People just not seeing others as who they are, they see others as what can I do to her/him to my advantage, to my well-being. No one has the full sincerity, people always has motives. {click to tweet}

So this is my 3,840 days since the last encounter with death. Am I not grateful? Yes, but to who? Nobody is around at that time, I am alone. To God?

I hate to speak this part, but let’s see … God is God, he doesn’t speak, tell, said something, try to make you understand, giving you signs, angry at you, care for you … God is God, a silent God. Stupid people always said, “breath”. Yups, the only thing that they can say about God is you breath right now.

Well, he attempted to take it 3000 days ago, and he can do it as he want now, I would not care, just because he is a GOD. What do you do? What can you do? Try reasoning with God? That was the most stupid act I have ever know. YOU CAN’T REASON WITH SOMETHING YOU DON’T KNOW!

I never understand these martyrs, jihads, who can die for God? Well, I will not die for anything, anyone. What did this “GODS” do to you, you even want to die for him/her/it/aliens? It just doesn’t make sense.

You can’t go back in time to change what you did and what you didn’t want to do. On June 6,1944, over than 5,300 ships and 11,000 planes crossed the land on the beaches of Normandy to turn the tide of the war. That’s what you can do.

Turning the tide of your life. A single event. You only need a single event to turn you life into the path that you want, but that doesn’t happen in normal life or in the loop of unfortunate events.

That will happen miraculously, and if you are the GOD, you can make it happen now, otherwise keep silent and wait! But some people believe that miracle is something that can be done by yourself. See what this woman going to say about it!

Featured Image : Photo credit toshi.mono via / CC BY-NC-SA

What if Things Don’t Work Out for You?!

No matter how hard you try, it’s just doesn’t work.

I remember keeping a dog back then in 1991. She has a cute face with soft fur, she’s just totally lovable, always running around my feet. Kissing me, okay no, that one maybe too exaggerated, licking me, this one maybe too, but hey its a dog we are talking about. How could I not fall in love with her. Don’t even bother to ask me what type of dog is she! I don’t know dogs, I just know her.

The thing is … that doesn’t work out for me very well, she died, killed in a car accident by a lousy driver. Then few years passed, I build an aquarium for fish, and all died in a week. Am I a lousy person that can’t even take care of pets? Since then, I never love animal, even make a “threat” to my girlfriend that I don’t want any animal inside the house when we get married.

Before I continue, its not about pets. It’s about “just doesn’t work”. I remember my first love! She’s … just thinking of her now, I feel terrible. She said, “God will give you someone better than me!” I was like “WTF!” but i keep my mouth shut. Am i not angry? I am angrier as hell. Did you not love me, i said? She replied, “I care about you, I love you, I even telling my friends how happy I am to have you … but, …” She continues, “I love God more than you, and last night God told me “how dare you having a date with him?”.

I was frozen!!! WTF!! Gezz, am i fucking dreaming?? Then what everybody think at this situation, I was thinking that also … she has someone else. I didn’t sign up for betrayal!!!

She’s not. She’s not having someone else, no matter how much I dont’t want to believe that. In my heart, she’s still the kindest person that i ever have a relationship with. A year passed, and I’m done with her, can’t do anything about it. BUT … I’m not done with God!

My life goes ashtray, nobody knows and won’t knows the secrets I hide deep in my heart. Because if someone know, that’s mean I’m dead already, or I love her so much that I would die for her.

Name any misbehave you have, I have done it mostly. Back way into childhood, I prank people and burn my neighbor’s kitchen. Its a small kitchen made of bamboo outside of her house, don’t worry no victim, I’m just a kid with high curiosity “what if i burn this kitchen ,what will happen” then i ran.

I have just came back few days ago from a business trip. It didn’t work out for me very well. I have done things precisely as planned but things go south.  {click to tweet} It’s happen in a blink of eye, and there gone my fortune. I am working on projects, but seems it won’t work out also. It’s just difficult to do things today, to make people believe that you are good at what you do, and you can do it on a deadline.

Well now, I think I’m back to zero. I’m so worried, even having insomnia, that I will end up exactly in a place that I don’t really want to be. Clocks are ticking, my body will become weak, can’t go on 3 day’s without sleep anymore. I don’t enjoy any physical activities. Even if I want to become healthy, these worries still haunted me everyday. People works so hard getting sick, I’m not.

In the end, someone could wondering, if they are getting cursed or what. Have you ever been in bad lucks and thinking that you might never succeed in life? Check what this man going to say!


I would appreciate your opinion about this matter, so that we can learn from each other better to live this life abundantly!

It’s the Need to Escape Reality!!

In Iceland, there is a saying that It’s not the drugs that make a drug addict, its the need to escape reality. {click to tweet}

Reality is scarier than hell. Reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined. Even, imagination is real, and existence is utterly imagination to  a blind person.

Reality exists when actions happen. I remember my once priest preach to the congregation :”it’s not what happen to people that makes them does not believe in God , but what happen after that … what makes them not believing God” {click to tweet}

Then he explained “a woman, leaving church in night and on way home, bad people shows up and rape her. This so-called “rape” Reality is not the thing that makes her stop believing God, but what she thought after that Reality happen to her … that is when she become the prisoner of reality.”

Whether you believe or not believe to God, it does not matter … at least to my opinion. The reality still there, and it drags you down fast, faster enough that you don’t even have time to take a breath.

All of us have been in the situation where we can’t see the door everywhere, it’s totally closed. We can’t even see a small window to crack upon so that we could escape our reality.

Remember when you panic at the first time? In here, you are panic the whole time, the oxygen is not running well through your vein, until you take a deep breath, distract your mind to other things peaceful.

Human minds are trapped easily, because together with your mind, there goes your emotion running freely. Human will always be difficult to “see” without eyes. But, when you are in a reality jail with no guards watch over you, except your fucking self, go start digging! and get the fuck out of there!!!.

Freedom is the most basic human nature. We loves to be free, free from credit cards, free from expenses, free from money … Yet, the second human nature is blame. You blame yourself, and everything and think “what if … “.

There is no undo button in life, but there is a revision. You can strike through and scratch out your life to make it right  … but in the end you will be able to publish your life again.

And if you think to take the drugs again, I welcome you back to the jail. Here, I will just go outside, take my deep breath of freedom and  see you on the other side …

There are help out there to take you out of your misery, but not drugs.


I would appreciate your opinion about this matter, so that we can learn from each other better to live this life abundantly!

Featured Image : Photo via Visual hunt

Simple Things I Don’t Know about Women!!

It’s only my opinion when I am in a stress relationship with a woman.

They never learn and so full of themselves. They never understand what is hurt means for a man. I appreciates those men who really loves and sacrifice themselves for women but I am not that kind of guy. I go through a battle of logic with woman, but then I am the one who gets the blame of everything, just because I am a man.

The concept of “the strong has to weaken himself for the weak” does not seems logic to me. In my view, they never accept the defeat, they never accept that I was right. Then they cry and want me to change without deep understanding on why I do things they despised of. They never try to understand what I think towards things I don’t like. I don’t like something simply means I don’t like it. Don’t bring over the shits! Don’t talk about the shits! It is how I think, every woman should behave towards these kind of thing.

I think I am quite sensitive regarding the changes of feeling in someone’s life. I remember the days I know exactly when something is wrong with my female friends. I was a melancholic turns choleric. Nowadays, I can preserve my emotion well and I can literally feel sad and cry for someone I lost, but then when I focus my thought on other things, the sadness is gone. It doesn’t mean that I am cold-blooded man, I just think that I am used to suppress my heart when facing rejections and bad things in life.

Someone said I am an angry guy, the fact is I only angry because there is a reason to it. Those reasons can be about things that not supposed to be there blocking my way to get what I need to achieved. Somehow, in these angry states of mind what calm me is … Philosophy!

When I was in college I read many philosophy literature, say Karl Max, Taoism, etc., but then I guess what shapes me today is Pragmatism.

Pragmatism is the notion that meaning or worth is determined by practical consequences. I was a Christian. I tend to look everything happened in life with a view of God behind everything. Now, my view is what happened in my life right now does not matter, what matter is what will happen after i do something about it“. {click to tweet}

I never imagine living with a wife, currently not. It’s not because I don’t want to, I am still looking for “the ultimate she”.

The cause maybe as simple as there are too many divorce and betrayal out there between man and woman. So to say, me and woman has permanent differences that is hard to reconcile. But, seeing how happy a couple in their marriage day, that’s just makes me jealous. I guess, someday I will understand how to make things works in a relationship.

Relationship is hard for some people. If you ever experience that, this will help you on keeping you relationship in good place.

I would appreciate your opinion about this matter, so that we can learn from each other better to live this life abundantly!


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